NEW DATE MEANS NEW SITE

To visit my new blog and hear about the new wedding date click here.

***POSSIBLE CHANGE OF WEDDING DATE***

It is not April Fool's Day. The title is true. The wedding date is going to be changed (either week before or after) pending vendor discussions.

The Search for the Reception Site Part II

Okay, when we last left the bride to be and her groom to be, they were just told that Stage 6 will adjust their contracted prices for inflation. So no locking into 2007 prices for a 2008 wedding. We leave Brooklyn and headed into Manhattan and end up in Battery Park which is where we wanted to be.

We go and look at Battery Gardens. It has a great view of the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island and is right on the water. However, there is a ton of construction going on and they cannot tell you when it will be done since it is the Parks Department doing it and not them. Though it looks like a kick ass carousel is going to be built and that is exciting for me.

We walk swiftly through the space (it is being set up for a party) and we are told the prices. That is it. The coordinator does not waste a second on us. She is very professional - almost too much. Coincidentally, these prices are $20 more per person than we were quoted in an email.

Also, the coordinator does not offer us a beverage (the only one of the day who does not), we take that as the ultimate sign and move on to the next site.

However, it is as we leave the Battery Garden and sit down on a park bench, I have the first (of possibly many) wedding related breakdowns. The feeling that I will never find a place we both like, and is us, overwhelms me.

I someone how pick up the pieces and trek from Battery Park all the way to Central Park South where we visit the Park Lane Hotel. We enter the hotel and are transported back in time. In the hotel, Leona Helmsley (may she rest in peace) has not yet gone to jail and Michael Jackson is not crazy yet. Seriously, this place has not been updated in long time. We are escorted around the hotel by this small, maybe Russian, woman. And it is okay. But we notice a few things and the main thing that jumps out (to Brendan - I didn't notice this) is that they are not setting up for a wedding or party. And being a Saturday in June, they should be booked. The other thing is that the reception room doesn't have any windows and it feels like we could be in any hotel room in Manhattan or Brooklyn. As we sit down and talk to the wedding coordinator, we receive the proposal and this time, it is $25 more than we have been quoted in an email. We express some surprise in the per person price and the wedding coordinator tries to tell us that we are getting married in a high time. According to everyone else we talked to, the wedding high season is May to October. However, according to this hotel, it is May to September and then November to December. Um, okay. But at least she did offer us coffee.

It is at this point that we head back downtown to Chelsea and visit the only meeting we arranged this weekend. At Moran's we both breathe a sigh of relief. We entered into the restaurant and immediately felt comfortable. It is a dark wooded, Irish pub with a large back room. The place is lined with displays of Waterford crystal and an awesome tin ceiling in the back room. They were setting up for a party and luckily, appetizers were about to start circulating. While the manager talked to us about options and prices, we dined on all the appetizers and a pint of Guinness. Finally, we felt like we could host the reception in Manhattan on our terms. Though I had a concern about us fitting all of the guests and a dance floor in the space, I relaxed a heck of a lot after this meeting.

Now, we were just hanging around Manhattan waiting to visit the last place arranged by this head hunter like company. Honestly, at this point in time I do not remember much about it. It was a restaurant and it was cool and funky but the seating would be disjointed and segmented. Also, the person we met with was not authorized to give us pricing. In fact, we never received pricing. Oh well.

So to recap, we ended the day with one potential reception site that I found.

Miscellaneous items

In response to the reader's comment about who is Abigail Kirsch. According to Random House: "Abigail Kirsch is a well-known New York-area caterer with a national reputation. Her sites include Abigail Kirsch at Tappan Hill in Tarrytown, New York, The New York Botanical Garden, and Pier Sixty in Manhattan. Trained at The Culinary Institute of America and Le Cordon Bleu in Paris, she is the current president of the New York chapter of Les Dames d'Escoffier. She is the coauthor of The Bride and Groom's First Cookbook and lives in Pound Ridge, New York."

Also, a reader asked if Brendan would be contributing to the blog. He can if he wants to provide a guest post but it will be subject to a rigorous approval process and possible editing. Besides my point of view is not biased at all. :)

Another reader asked for more pictures. I will post pictures as I can. I didn't take pictures the first day of reception site hunting - sorry. But I offer this picture of Keith, the one who requested more pictures.

An aside - vendor requirements

When we set out on the wedding planning both Brendan and I had few requirements. Actually, it is only one. We didn't want to feel like we were getting screwed. The wedding industry has gone crazy and I didn't want to feel pressured or taken advantage of.

We will see how we do sticking to this requirement.

The search for the reception site - Part I

Once we picked a date, we realized we had one year and four months until we are to wed - plenty of time to plan this wedding. However I did not want to wait around and then make all the plans and also I figure the earlier we plan the better our chances to find a great reception site at a price we can afford.

To begin, we try using this wedding head hunter of sorts. You tell them your wants and budget and they schedule appointments at various places through out the city - mainly Manhattan. While I had been doing my own research online from Boston, I figure another resource cannot hurt.

Two days before we are to arrive in New York, we are emailed our appointment list. Right away I have a bad feeling about the day. All the places on the list are outside of our budget, even if we could negotiate them down. Brendan being the optimist that he is tries to convince me, the realist, to give it a shot. But to make myself feel better I try to squeeze in a visit to a place I know we can afford and could really like.

Saturday comes and we visit site #1 - Stage Six at Steiner Studios. It is located in the Brooklyn Navy yard inside Steiner Studios. This is very fitting for someone obsessed with pop culture like myself. And it is an Abigail Kirsch location so I know we would not have to worry about food or service. We begin the tour and the place is very nice and has a nice view of the water and city once you get past the industrial part of Brooklyn. Also, the neighborhood surrounding the studio lot is not the best. But luckily there is plenty of parking, valet parking. So annoyance number 1 with this place is that you have to have valet parking (albeit with a red carpet for guests to feel like a star). Now there is a HUGE parking lot available and only one event at night so the whole lot is ours and just 10 feet away from the door. But you have to have valet parking and it costs $10 per car. Even if you don't want valet parking you have to have it just like the bathroom attendant. I hate the bathroom attendant because they make me feel funny. I just want to wash my hands and I can do it myself.

After going through all the costs we are firm in the thought that we cannot afford this place. It is at this point that the most annoying and kind of sleezy aspect of their contract is revealed. They have a CPI clause in all of their contracts. On the date the contract is signed, they record the consumer price index and then record it again when the final head count is provided. If there is an increase (meaning inflation which most likely there is) they adjust the price accordingly. So - you cannot lock into any rates. While we did not want to start anything I do wonder what they would say about a client asking for the interest earned on the deposit to be deducted from the bill or a fight about the CPI clause. This to me is a perfect example of vendors taking advantage of the engaged couples. And proves how crazy the wedding industry has become.

On the way out the salesperson told us that we should tell the other reception sites that we visited an Abigail Kirsch location and notice their reaction. They will admit Abigail Kirsch is the best. Um, okay lady we'll do that.

More on the reception sites to come...

$$Budget$$

The next step after we had the date and church decided was to tackle the money issue. I didn't know where to start because all I could find was the average of a wedding costing approximtely $28,000. However, I take national average with a grain of salt - nothing costs close to the average in NYC. So I still needed assistance in figuring out how to allocate my slowly accummulating wedding dollars. In came the Internet to the rescue, I found the budget calculator on the Knot. I entered in what we could afford to spend on the wedding, the number of guests, and the number of attendants. Out popped an estimate of what we could spend on each aspect of the wedding. However, I also went to Wedding Channel and repeated the exercise. I then put both budget estimates in excel and took an average of the two budgets. This was a good starting point but because we are getting married in NYC, I knew some of the estimates were near impossible to stay under (reception and beverages especially). So I went line by line and took money "away" from some of the aspects that were of low importance and added those dollar amounts to the reception budget. Slowly, a NYC reception seemed feasible. Additionally, once I started to get actual costs from vendors, I was able to play around with the numbers some more. My only fear is the expenses that I am not yet aware and the Knot and Wedding Channel have forgotten to warn me about.

Interestingly enough, after we had started planning and set the budget I found this interesting website called Cost of Wedding. Here it gives you the national average by ticket item and allows you to type in your zipcode to get a better understanding of wedding costs near you.

Update on Church Stuff

Brendan finally connected with the church secretary and we have confirmed the time change. It is a Labor Day miracle!

Church Stuff

In order to marry at St. Pat's in Brooklyn I had to call Assumption and have them send me my baptismal certificate as I don't think I have ever seen it. Again, having no faith, I expect to have to call back to get it sent to me but after three days I have my certificate. They filled out all the necessary information (date, godparents, priest) and they also fill out my confirmation information. However, nothing is filled out for first holy communion. Now I am panicking that they have no record of me making my first holy communion there. I frantically search the few papers that I have in search of my holy communion certificate. I find my confirmation certificate, completion of 8 years of CCD at Assumption, my pre-school report card (stating I do not talk much and speak softly) but no communion certificate. I remember being there and I remember my dress (with the infamous purple ribbon at the bottom). I even find the program from the communion and I am listed on the girls page. So after waiting a few weeks, I finally call the rectory at Assumption and speak to the church lady. According to her, they don't typically fill out that section and I do not have to worry. While I believe, I still would have liked that section filled out. I am just saying.

Onto dealing with St. Pat's which is a different story. Brendan is supposed to handle all things church related since it is his church. That is/was the deal. At the beginning of the engagement phase, I had an office so he asked me to call and arrange the church since we have to call during business hours. This way I could talk freely whereas Brendan cannot. So I call and the person who answered the phone, I believe, was having a bad day. She was kind of grumpy. So I ask about booking the church and she says I will have to talk to a priest and she will have one call me back. After three days, I do not have a call back. Brendan tells me to ask for Mgsr. Nagle and I would get his secretary who can probably help us. He also thinks that he knows the secretary from his days of working at the rectory. So I call and ask for Msgr Nagle but he is not there so they send me to his secretary but she is out. The voicemail confirms that this is the lady Brendan knows. I leave a message and ask her to call me back. Two days later, still no call from St. Pat's. So I call again and ask for the secretary and I get her on the phone. We chat and she tells me I have to speak to a priest and she takes all my information and tells me a priest will be contacting me in a day or two.

I am still waiting for the call.

So, I put Brendan back in charge of the church. He did a sneak attack, went to mass and waited for Msgr. Nagle. So he got us in the book for November 8, 2008 at 3:30. Unfortunately, three weeks ago we decided we wanted the 2:00 time slot. So, I do the sneak attack with Kim except it is a Saturday and we are not going to mass. Rather, we are just showing up to the rectory. I should have known it was not going to be successful when we were told to come back in half an hour because the priest was hearing confessions. When we go back, I am immediately transported back elementary school and start laughing and couldn't stop. The priest comes in and for the next 15 minutes I only understand every tenth word he says. So in trying to explain the situation, he goes and gets "the book". The book he has lists all the mass intentions for 2007 year to date. He says that the request for the wedding date will be found in this book on the day we spoke to Msgr. Nagle. I think there would be a notation on the day we want to get married but what do I know? So after Kim and I try to get him to look at the date of the actual wedding with no success, he takes down my information and makes a notation that I want to change the time of the wedding. Again, I am not confident that we have changed the time or what I may have agreed to do since I can't understand the priest. However, the secretary called Brendan back a few days later. Unfortunately they have been playing phone tag for almost two weeks now. I currently have no idea what time the ceremony is set for.

No wine on school nights

Or at least not three bottles of wine. Today is going to be a long day.

Which city? Which church?

Actually even before we had the date, we knew that we would be getting married in New York. We knew this even before a ring was purchased. For states, we had two choices: Massachusetts or New York. While I love my current blue state, most people (apart from us) will be from New York and some are not in a position to travel long distances. New York was just easier for everyone else. So we knew we had to have it in New York.

This leads us to which church are we going to have the ceremony (and full mass) in. Here there are three possibilities: Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary; St. Patrick's Church (not to be confused with St. Patrick's Cathedral in Manhattan); and the dark horse St. Anastasia's.

St. Anastasia's is the parish of my grandmother and mother. This is the church they both grew up in and my sister and cousin got married there. While it was a long shot, it was still a consideration. It could have served as a nice compromise between the Long Island contingency and the city contingency.

Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary is the parish in which I grew up and have received all of my sacraments to date. It is a nice church, prettier inside than it is outside. From the outside, it very much looks like a 1970s church that Mr. Brady could have designed. Though inside it has beautiful stained glass. However, I have not attended the church in years and no one I am related to or even know attends mass there. Also, travel becomes an issue this deep into surburbia. Many are coming from the city or New England and if we make people travel there is not much to see out in that neck of the woods. Also, I felt the reception options were limited without making people travel for a distance between the ceremony and reception.

Finally we have St. Patrick's in Brooklyn. This is the parish in which Brendan grew up and received all of his sacraments and even attended school at through the 8th grade. His interaction with this church was more than me and Assumption. Brendan not only was an altar boy until he graduated high school but also worked at the rectory. In addition to all this, his parents still attend and this where we have gone to mass for all the Christmases we have spent together. All of that is nice and warm and fuzzy. But another reason to have the wedding there is that the church is quite beautiful inside with all its marble and stained glass. The only drawback is that people still have to drive in from Long Island and the subway ride is not that short coming in from Manhattan. But in the end I think it is the best place for us to get married, both meaning-wise and logistics.

A view from the outside of St. Patrick's Church in Brooklyn:

How we settled on a date

The first question were we asked after being wished "Congratulations" was "When is the wedding?"

So we decided on Novemeber 8, 2008 (hence the name of the blog). After telling people the decided wedding date, some ask us "Is that date significant?" or "Does it mean anything?" Quite simply, no. It means absolutely nothing to us.

The process of picking the date was purely economics and convenience. First, we did not want to have (cannot afford to have) the wedding during the "high wedding season" which most say to be from May to October.

So we were looking at April or November. April got tossed because Brendan has to sell his condo. And with the market these days, it takes awhile to sell a condo. We figured that if the condo sells it will most likely be during the summer months.

Now, we are left with November. The end of the month has Thanksgiving and Christmas shopping so we nixed those weekends. The first weekend of November is the New York City Marathon (which we both have successfully finished) and we didn't want the few out-of-town guests to have to compete for hotel space with all those extra people. So we chose the weekend after the marathon and two weeks before Thanksgiving. And so it was/is - November 8, 2008.

No special reason for the date - it just work with timing and budget.

FYI

I am not really checking for grammatical errors or spelling mistakes. So you will just have to deal with them. Also, deal with various thigns like font changes and layout changes while I get the hang of blogger.

The Engagement Story

So what was supposed to be a 4.5 hour drive to NYC turned into a one hour drive to Providence. Instead of driving down to NYC Thursday night for a Friday confirmation, Brendan made an unexpected detour to Providence, Rhode Island.


Now I don't really like surprises. I like to know what to expect so I can plan accordingly. As we drove down 95, I kept thinking of things we would pass. First, I thought of the Wrentham Outlets and was quickly disappointed. I looked at Brendan and said "Are you taking me shopping? Because I don't have money to spend at the Outlets." "We are not going to the Outlets" he assured me. Next up, Pawtauket. I then convince myself we are going to see the Pawtauket Red Sox play. While that is fun, that is more of a Brendan thing than a Liz thing. So I am kind of disappointed. I tell him I know the surprise and that it involve sports. After a few minutes I am told we are not going to a PawSox game.


We exit in Providence and I see Ringling Brothers vans and get disappointed quickly. The week before I had surprised Brendan by taking him to the Big Apple Circus in Boston. Brendan loves the circus and I don't. I went when I was little and hated the smell of the animals. But after the circus this time I told Brendan it was better than I was expecting and I had fun. Now faced with another night at the circus I realize I didn't have THAT much fun. Luckily we quickly drive past the circus and into the heart of Providence.


Upon arrival at Hotel Providence, I asked somewhat confused "What are we doing here?" to which Brendan replied "Surprise, weare spending the night at a nice hotel." I was stillc onfused. We went upstairs and walked around thesuite. I was perusing the bedroom and Brendan hung out in the doorway. When I turned to face him, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I was in a state of shock and asked "Are you serious?" and he replied "Yes." Again I asked, "Are you serious?" and again he answered "Yes" and looked at me awaiting a response. I finally answered "Yes" after an awkward moment of silence. He gave me the ring box and I still just stood there.


I finally composed myself, slipped the ring on and we popped open the champagne.

This is the doorway in which Brendan proposed.

Obligatory How We Met Story

So I have to begin somewhere so I will start at the very beginning, it's a very good place to start...

I had moved to Boston in August of 2003 for grad school at BU. After living in Boston for a few months I looked into joining a running club. Most of the ones I found were competitive or met at ungodly hours such as 8 am on a Sunday. I like to rest on Sundays or at least not have to get up earlier than I do during the week. Luckily my search lead me to the Boston Hash House Harriers. Now this group started in a bar, ran for a bit and then ended with pizza and beer. The best part was that the runs began around 2:00 on Sundays (during the summer they met Wednesdays around 6:30)! I had found my running group. So I went a few times and enjoyed the running, drinking, signing lewd songs, the welcoming group of people. I also liked the nicknames that everyone who stays long enough gets - it was reminiscent of my Parks days.

On February 14th, one Hasher (JMo) threw a Lonely Hearts Hash for all the single folks in the group. Being unattached I went to Mary Ann's in Cleveland Circle on a very cold night. After running around for longer than I wanted in freezing temperatures, we ended at an apartment of one of the hashers. SO in the midst of the party I met Brendan and we seemingly hit it off. Due to circumstances that cannot fit on a blog due to length and complexity, Brendan was yelled at for talking to me and we would casually talk when ever we saw each other at a hash.

Fast forward to summer of 2003. Brendan and I now have a few Hash friends in common and our paths are crossing more often. We even take a road trip together with other hashers (both annoying and cool - I am sorry I invited them along!). One night while we are out with a bunch of people, I explain how I am moving but need to go to Target and get Rubbermaid bins so I can put all my stuff into it. Brendan gallantly offers to drive me the next morning to Target to buy all the packing supplies I need. I take him up on his offer and he says he will call me when he gets up and we will go. So this is great - he will take me to Target, problem solved. Unfortunately, I have no faith that he is calling and we didn't make concrete plans. I like times and structure to my day. So instead I ask my friend Keith if he is free to take me and he says he will be over around 10:00. The next day, Keith picks me up at 10:00 as planned and I go to Target and get all the Rubbermaid bins I need. I return home around 12:30. At 1:30, my cell phone rings and it is Brendan calling to tell me he just got up (this pattern of me getting up at 9:00 and him sleeping until 1:00 is reoccuring and a major source of frustration). So instead of telling him I have already been to Target and don't need anything, I make plans for us to go to Target. He picks me up and we go to a different Target than the one I was at a few hours earlier. So I buy two Rubbermaid bins and that is it. Brendan even questions me as to why I only buy two since I said I needed a bunch of stuff just the night before. I don't really know why I went to Target again but looking back I think it is telling.

Moving day comes and Brendan is one of the people helping me move and by this point we are talking on the phone and emailing more and more until we somehow are in this quasi-dating phase. We would talk all the time, hang out at each other's house but nothing was official and on some level it felt like we were in high school or college.
However, on one particular weekend I realized that this was going to be serious. Brendan was going with friends to Vermont and lending me his car so I could go visit my brother's in New York. When he dropped his car off, he hands me the keys and asks "Did you print out directions to Long Island?" Of course I didn't. He replies "I didn't think so. Here are the directions to Long Island, my cell phone, my AAA number, the number to call AAA, and 911 number." I thought "Holy crap he has me figured out."

It is after this weekend that I would say we really began dating as it was after getting freaked out that he knew I wouldn't have printed out directions that we had the "what are we doing talk" that made things a little clearer on both sides.

My First Ever Post

This is a shout out to Hillary!

More to come later...